Journal 5/28/12

It happened again. It almost happened again. I had a nightmare, and Cia woke me up. She was too close, and there was a split second when I woke up when...

She looked so... She was upset. Not scared, not for herself, but upset for me. I don't think, even with what happened before, she really knows what could happen. Or doesn't think it will.

I'd like to think it won't. I know, I'd never intentionally do anything to hurt her, but...

I came to my senses and it didn't- Nothing happened. But it could have been bad. Maybe I'll talk to her, see about... Make sure she knows. It's taking its toll, though. Trying to help me.

Taking stims, for too long, it makes your judgement bad. Her judgement can't be bad, for this. She needs to think about herself when it comes to it. And take them too long, they stop working, and you need something stronger. Nightmares pass.

Maybe if she saw me doing better.

That would make it worth it, and make her feel like she doesn't need to do this, anymore. I wouldn't need her to, either. I have to do better.

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