Journal 5/9/12

Hiri came by. It was good to see her more herself. Like the life was back in her. She said she was in no shape yet to be anyone's doctor again. So, she said we could talk as friends.

She didn't talk much about what happened to her. I told her, if she needs to, I'll be here. We talked about what happened with me, though.

She knows about what happened. She said...

There's a reason why doctors who treat combat vets have panic buttons under their desks, Ami. A reason why their patients don't handle weapons.

She was worried I might, I don't know. Forget where I was, hurt someone. I explained it isn't like that. I mean, those Blooders, sure, but not other times. I'd never... Never hurt someone I shouldn't. I know who the people who are important to me are, even when things get bad.

Then she asked me to tell her about what happened, and I did. What happened, and how it didn't help the way it used to. How Cia came afterward and got me, and she's been helping.

We talked about why killing them didn't help, like it used to. I don't feel better, but I think we might have something. Like at least I know I might feel better sometime.

I might talk to Cia, about being careful. If I'm sleeping and flail around or something, I don't want her too close. Don't want to accidentally clip her.