Journal 9/12/12b

Ok. Feelings. Right.

Well, like I told Hiri:

Relieved. Relieved that it's going to be over. That the company thinks the people who're responsible for what happened are guilty. That doing things Hiri's way worked out.

I guess relieved that it means that it's not just... Not just an excuse. Not 'It wasn't me, it was them!' to dodge responsibility myself.

It really was them. there really wasn't anything I could do. I mean, that's not- Not because they're guilty, but that part makes the rest of it feel more true.

Hopeful. I told Hiri I was hopeful too. I guess I am. It might help. I've felt stuck. Even with the things she has me do - the exercises and thinking of things the right way and everything, I've felt stuck. Like I couldn't move on from what happened. It makes it so I can't rely on myself. Like when I use, that way, I guess. I should have put that on the list. Something happens and I'm back there. Or I have a nightmare. It puts me out of my own control.

So, hopeful. I hope I can start to get it behind me. Even though, like Hiri says, there aren't any quick fixes.

What else, though? I feel...

I don't know.

I feel...

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